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Forming a New Mental Equation: Conversations with a Deep Thinker by James Svoboda |
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CONVERSATIONS No Plan---A Challenge for My Editor Education and Personal Awareness Visiting with St. Peter About Rules Personal Responsibility and Self Reliance Transcend Time: Railroad Station Metaphor College in Grand Island and Hastings Attending the University of Nebraska
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Jimmy Sees Snakes "Mother! Mother!" screamed little Jimmy as he ran toward the house, "the yard is full of snakes. "Where Jimmy?" his mother asked as she came running out the door." "There, mother" Jimmy cried as he pointed to the ground. "There are no snakes, Jimmy. Come in the house and tell me why you lied." "But there were snakes, Mother. I saw them." Jimmy persisted in his story as they went inside the house. Jimmy's mother wasn't too concerned over Jimmy's story. She had raised seven children before Jimmy, and her years of silent toil on a Midwest farm had taught her not to worry too much about children or the mischief they might invent. Tom wasn't so kind, however. He was Jimmy's oldest sister's husband. She was nineteen years older than Jimmy, and her husband was sixteen years older than she was. Jimmy didn't like Tom. Jimmy always sensed danger when Tom drove in the yard. Jimmy didn't know why seeing Tom made him uneasy the first time he saw him, but each time Tom came to the house the same feeling would reoccur. Still, Jimmy knew that his mother would protect him and he felt safe as long as she was around. "I don't like that kid making up stories, Tom said in angry words, after Jimmy settled down under the comforting hands of his mother. "I don't want him scaring Annie." "Kids is kids," Jimmy's mother said in a pacifying voice. "He's never done anything like that before. I don't know what got into him. He'll be all right. He's a good boy." Jimmy could see that Tom was mad. He could also see that his mother was not concerned over his anger, but he knew that his father was afraid of Tom. This confused Jimmy. It not only confused Jimmy, but his mind was also unable to place words on his emotions. So, instead of thinking about the strange world of adults, Jimmy felt the urge to go back outside and play. "I did see snakes," Jimmy said to himself as he walked to the barn; and as he walked he re-pictured the event in his mind. Something inside his mind, however, told him that there may not have been any snakes. "They didn't look quite right," he thought. And then a voice he had not heard before, from somewhere within, said, "It's the gas." It was a voice that was quite different from the one he heard so clearly when walking or playing by himself. "This is strange," he thought, as a sense of wonderment and fear flooded his mind. "You want to play some more?" Jimmy heard Annie say as he entered the barn. Annie was Jimmy's niece. She was not much younger than Jimmy. It was either 1942 or 1943, and it was the years that Jimmy was not only becoming aware of himself, but of the full range of human emotions. Becoming aware on a Midwest farm, all alone, miles from anyone, is quite different from becoming aware in a city. Still, children are better equipped to decode the mysteries of life than most adults perceive. Jimmy was no exception. The elements of nature were very strong within Jimmy. What he did not perceive mentally, he perceived instinctively. But what made Jimmy different was a combination of factors. For one thing, it was very rare that he had anyone his own age to play with. The farm was miles away from any children his own age and all through his early years (eight) in school, he was the only one in his class. His father was over fifty by the 1940s' and his mother was in her 40's. Add to this the effect World War II had upon the rural population and the social values of the times and one can begin to understand how a boy of nine or ten might be forgotten in the realm of human existence. It was about this time that Jimmy became aware that the inner world of the mind could be as fascinating as the outside world. Of course, he did not realize that his interplay between the inner and outer dimensions of reality would effect his life to come. (Still, in looking back and from a point in the future, he did finally come to understand the dram a of his interplay between the inner and outer forms of reality.) The drama of the snakes was one such experiment he was not to forget. It was one of his first lessons on the greater mysteries of this existence. That night, and after Jimmy had had time to overcome his experience with the snakes, he laid awake thinking about why he had seen snakes that afternoon. "It must be the gas," he thought, as he tried to put the day's events together. "I must try it again tomorrow and see what happens." Again, Jimmy's voice of danger warned him that this could be dangerous. "I must be careful," he thought, "or I could gas myself." The next day Jimmy decided that he must see if his experiment with gasoline was causing him to see snakes. So as he had done before, he went to his secret hiding place and uncovered his can of gas. And, as before, he placed his nose and mouth over the gas can's opening and began to take deep breaths. It was not long before Jimmy began to experience the intoxicating effects resulting from his breathing the fumes. It was an effect not unlike that produced by drinking alcohol or having you first cigarette. For Jimmy, it was a sensation he had never experienced before, and for reasons he did not understand, it was a feeling that made him feel extremely good. Four or five good breaths were all that it took to make Jimmy high; and as before, he sat down, away from the fumes to enjoy the high. This time, however, he was extremely conscious of the danger, and as he sat down he tried to remain totally aware of what was happening in his mind that would cause him to see snakes. But no snakes appeared, and as the effects began to wear off, Jimmy decided that this time no snakes were going to appear. So, as before, he got up and began to walk toward the house. But, then, just as before, and without warning, a completely "realistic" image manifested before his eyes. But this time it was not snakes. Instead, the image was of a lifelike skeleton of a full-grown human being. To say that Jimmy was nearly frightened to death is an understatement. He ran, and he ran, and as he ran the skeleton continued to follow him at a close distance behind. How far Jimmy would have run we will never know, because as fate would have it, he ran into a barbed wire fence which, for bettor or worse, cut his lower lip very deeply. Strange how the mind works, for whatever reason, having once run into the fence and cut himself, the skeleton disappeared. (Nature always takes care of the most important first.) With the skeleton gone, Jimmy quickly changed his focus to his new problem: his bleeding lip. As it were, his lip was bleeding profusely and this frightened him almost as much as the skeleton. As with most children, this left Jimmy with only one thing to do—he got up and ran screaming and crying toward the house for the comfort of his mother. |
CONVERSATIONS Music Touches Me for the First Time Individual and Collective Error Education - Change Begins With Us (Contains the poem, "The Family Farm")
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